Have you ever wondered — and surely you have — why we People of the Chair and our disabled comrades don’t have our own cable network? I mean, for heaven’s sakes, every other demographic in America has one. Surf your 400-channel line-up sometime. There’s the Military Channel, the Retirement Living Channel, the RFDTV Channel for Alabama dirt farmers, even the WealthTV Channel for people who can’t pay their mortgage to admire how Donald Trump gets his hair done. Surely in development are the Housecleaning Channel, a spin-off of the Cooking Channel, and the Honey Boo Boo Channel, a more glamorous, youth-oriented version of the RFD Channel.
With a potential audience of 50 million people, and a lot of them in institutions where they do a lot of sitting and watching TV all day, the Crippled Entertainment Network, or CEN, sounds like a no-brainer. It doesn’t take that many people to have a hit on cable. The evening Anderson Cooper show on CNN averages about 600,000 viewers a night, and that’s on a good night when Anderson takes his shirt off. There are more than 600,000 people with disabilities in the state of Oklahoma, and since there is not a whole lot to do, entertainment-wise, in the state of Oklahoma, almost all of them watch TV. Just take the RFDTV show Successful Farm Machinery and reformat it as Successful Adaptive Farm Machinery and you’ll suck in a few hundred thousand viewers.
Push Girls is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to crowd-pleasing disability entertainment. On CEN, with 24 hours a day to fill, you could have PG rip-offs like Push Boys, Push Seniors, and Push Vans Demolition Derby. Who wouldn’t want to see a football field of “handicapped” vans and RVs, as they still call them, trying to turn each other into scrap metal? It’s not only fun to watch, but the next time some nondisabled Prius driver sees such a van coming up behind him