Mike ErvinI hate travel shows on television. They remind me of all the places I have never gone to and never will go to at this point in my life. I used to think of myself as a worldly cripple, but travel shows tell me how painfully unworldly I really am. I suppose I’m still worldly by cripple standards. I’ve been to Cuba and Mexico and Alaska and Germany and Canada and several times to Milwaukee. Just the Milwaukee part would probably make me worldly by cripple standards.

If I’m going to visit a place nowadays, it has to be during a season when there is perfect “invalid weather.” Another word for invalid weather is Leave it to Beaver weather or sitcom weather. On Leave it to Beaver, it’s always sunny and in the 70s, and the wind is always a soothing zephyr. That’s how the weather is on pretty much all sitcoms and TV shows unless an upcoming plot twist dictates otherwise, like a character is going to slip on ice or get stuck in the snow, or it’s the heartwarming Christmas episode.

You know it’s invalid weather when you see the local invalid out sitting in the local park. The invalid sits stoically in his/her wheelchair with a blanket wrapped around his/her legs, even though it’s sunny and is in the 70s. The invalid’s dutiful nurse sits on the adjacent bench.

I fear I’m slowly but steadily morphing into one of those invalids. I check the weather conditions constantly t