ErvinI always get a bad case of the creepy crawlies when someone approaches me about being a mentor for a young criplet. I’m very reluctant to sign up.

I don’t know what scares me about it. Maybe it’s because there is something so unsettling about the title of mentor. It’s a lot of pressure. A mentor isn’t just a person you hang out with. A mentor is a person you hang out with so they can impart their wisdom and bestow upon you valuable life lessons that accelerate your personal growth. So maybe I’m afraid that the criplet will hang out with me expecting to receive valuable life lessons, only to realize that I’m just another schlump. But then again, I suppose when a kid who looks up to you figures out that you’re just another schlump, you’ve taught that kid a valuable life lesson. But I don’t think that’s how the mentor thing is supposed to work.

Or maybe I’m afraid the kid’s parents will find out that I’m mentoring him and that surely won’t turn out well. I think I know me pretty well, or at least well enough to know that if I had a kid I’d be pretty suspicious about him being mentored by a degenerate like me. Really, if there was a law requiring everybody who shouldn’t be mentoring your kids to register with the police, you’d see my mug front and center.

Or maybe I’m afraid that the kid they send for me to mentor will be pretty much like I was as a teenager. Back in those days, I was an inmate at a state-operated boarding school for cri