My leg’s blown up
All red and scary looking.
It’s Sunday.
Solve it at home
I think,
Or I’ll have to go
To the ER
And end up caught
In the hospital vortex
That won’t spit me out
Again for at least a week
After asking me
Inane questions,
After prodding me
Radiating me with X-rays
Oh by the way are so much
Safer now and not to
Worry unless you’ve had
Oh you have.
Maybe we can pass on that;
How about an MRI?
Oh you have a metal rod
In your leg,
Hmmm. Is it Titanium?
Don’t know?
Can you stand?
No I didn’t read your
Chart yet or the intake form
Or how you answered
“What can we do
To make it easier for you.”
Here let me just read …
I see you did say you need
Help transferring.
Are you sure you can’t stand?
One moment.
Sorry that took so long.
Just a moment.
We’re getting some help.
Here, here is the Hoyer lift.
Now we are just going to
Put this under you.
Wait it must go like this.
No. Hmmm. Let me try,
Just a minute,
I just need to figure out. . .
No there aren’t any aides
That could just lift you.
No the bed just goes
This low. Sorry.
This lift is no problem;
Here I’ve got it now.
Up you go.
Now let me see
How does it move over,
Let’s move you over here.
No you don’t look like a sack
Of potatoes.
Here we are almost there.
Oh dear it seems the battery
Has died;
We don’t use this very often
What? You say
Just raise up the bed?
Oh that’s a good idea.
So sorry.
Didn’t mean to
Leave you hanging
There mid air.
Like I say we don’t do this
Very much.
Now the Doctor
Will be in shortly;
Oh here he is.
Hello I’m the Doctor.
How are you?
Before we get
Started let
Me ask you
A few things;
Any pa