wheelchair confidentialDelusional Delivery

Before retirement, I was a college professor and did brain research. One night, to treat my research team, I ordered pizza and since my lab was tricky to locate, gave instructions for the driver to meet me at the end of the breezeway.

When I went to meet the pizza driver, I watched as a vehicle circled a few times, but never stopped. When no one else showed, I had to go all of the way back to the lab to call, as we didn’t have cell phones then. Again, I went outside and watched as the whole scene repeated.

I called back a third time and the exasperated order taker said, “The driver is here now. YOU can talk to him!” The driver’s excuse? “I drove around twice but nobody was there to meet me except some lady in a wheelchair!”

“Do you think I have to eat pizza standing up?!” I responded.

In the end, most of the team had to leave before the cold pizza was finally delivered. Looking back, I could kick myself for paying.

Oh, that’s right, I can’t kick either.

— Crustfallen, Ph.D.