As a sexy paraplegic woman, I enjoy the creative play of chat rooms. What gets in the way? Ableist assumptions that chat-mates make about the body at the other end: It can stand. It can get on all fours. It has a luscious bubble butt that pops in yoga pants. It has thighs and legs that can move of their own volition without assistance.

Some bodies in chatrooms fit these assumptions – mine doesn’t. Here are a few tips for nondisabled chatters so that if we encounter each other, I don’t have to work to accommodate your vision of me.

• I may not initially tell you that I’m paralyzed, because that’s not all that I am. Remember, I don’t know everything about you either. I won’t expect you to tell me right off the bat that you have a hairy back or something else gross, so don’t feel like I hoodwinked you. If you already have a stock idea of who you want to encounter, get out of the chat room and go watch some porn.

• When I tell you I’m paralyzed, pleeeease do not let your first response be, “Oh, I’m so sorry.