Recently I read an article in Parade magazine about a robot-like product that the author claims, for now, “represents the best science has to offer paraplegics.” Yet another device designed by a well-meaning inventor who thinks all paras want is to stand and walk again, no matter how awkward, noisy and impractical the invention. Sorry, but I just don’t buy it, and won’t, not for $30,000-$40,000.

Before you cast me as an embittered old cripple who curses fate daily for his unbearable loss, hear me out. What galls me is the way Parade packages the invention: “Prescription Hope/Restoring the Power to Walk.” I’ve written before about the first article I ever saw like this, published in the L.A. Times in 1966, which introduced functional electrical stimulation — in those days called bioelectric engineering. That pioneering concept, now 44 years old, was more forward-thinking than this recent option, mainly because it had the ability to restore muscle tone and was a novel use of a mainframe computer — with potential to be miniaturized and refined many times over.

This latest invention is essentially a pair of motorized hinged-knee braces that require the use of forearm crutches and is powered by a backpack (battery and computer) that weighs 10 pounds. The author writes that “even for experienced users, walking with the technology is an ungainly process,” and slow. A helper must steady the user when he loses his balance. This is the best science has to offer?

In defense of the inventor, a para, the motorized bracing system may well offer some of us a much-needed way of moving about, within limited settings, while standing. But as long as forearm crutches are needed to maintain balance, the user’s hands are useless. Shouldn’t scientists, who see human hands as an evolutionary development, look for means of restoring walking that do not sacrifice one’s hands? In fact, shouldn’t scientists be looking for ways to restore function in quads as well as paras?

Fret not, they are. Research at the cellular level, with or without stem cells, continues to point the way to partial restoration on a practical level, and real hope. But the author of the Parade article is stuck in the past. He writes: “Stairs and curbs are insurmountable. Store and restaurant doors and aisles are often too narrow for wheelchairs. Even washing dishes at a standard kitchen sink means that a paraplegic must first strap on a special brace to hold his body upright.” What? No more curb cuts, no incline platform lifts, no 36-inch doors or roll-under sinks? No ADA? No common sense?

Apparently the author is unaware of both social engineering and civil rights. I’d like to give him a ride in my new custom TiLite TR — with its Spinergy Extreme Sport Light rims, Schwalbe Marathon Plus tires, Frog Legs suspension casters and ROHO JetStream Pro carbon fiber back. Then I’d give him an injection that temporarily paralyzes his legs, help him strap on “the best science has to offer” and challenge him to a dishwashing contest at the sink of my choice. Afterwards, I’d see how many circles I could roll around him while he “walks” back to the nearest chair.