I felt my heart start to race and my breath shortening as I watched the van flip over multiple times after swerving to avoid a passing semi-truck. It was only TV, but it was all too familiar. Tears and sobs came out of me unexpectedly.

I remember being the protagonist in this same scene but with my eyes closed, trapped in a twilight of consciousness. This time, with my eyes wide open, I was watching my dad, brothers, sister and mom —like I could finally see what was on the other side of my eyelids.

It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced a moment where I was transported back to when I became paralyzed. I can’t help but wonder what I would have been like had this not happened. Would I have kids like my mother did at my age? Who would my friends be? Would I be kind and even care about people with disabilities?

I’d like to think that one way or another my path would cross with the wonderful people I’ve met who have experienced a life-changing spinal cord injury. I would have ramps in my home, big enough bathrooms, and themed dinner parties. I would yell at people who parked in disabled parking spots. I would bring my friends to the capitol and demand change. I would want to be part of this community.

I suppose its futile to think about all of the “What Ifs,” but more and more I wonder: What if things have not turned out so differently after all?